https://bizcenter.globalclassroom.us/portal/view/view.php?id=547https://wasbdc.globalclassroom.us/portal/view/view.php?id=1168https://nmispi.globalclassroom.us/portal/view/view.php?id=172https://dsbdc.globalclassroom.us/portal/view/view.php?id=628https://blockchain.globalclassroom.us/portal/view/view.php?id=111https://templatesbdc.globalclassroom.us/portal/view/view.php?id=107https://cambridgechamber.globalclassroom.us/portal/view/view.php?id=498https://interchain.globalclassroom.us/portal/view/view.php?id=143https://mancc.globalclassroom.us/portal/view/view.php?id=104https://mtsbdc.globalclassroom.us/portal/view/view.php?id=186I was confused the first time I noticed this in the girls I was dating. They were all pathologically afraid to commit to anything. I eventually wised up and realized that I was better off alone than with someone who was basically afraid of her own choices.
Even if you try to follow one of the dating rituals of the past, it’s way too easy for the two of you to unconsciously have different scripts and wonder why the other one is so incomprehensible.
I’m not interested in “banging a lot of girls”, I’m looking for a mother for my future children. Very few of the opposite sex seem to have the future orientation necessary to stick with a relationship when the going gets tough. Some will undoubtedly develop the maturity out of necessity after they become mothers, but that’s a hell of a risk to take.
For all I know, large swaths of men have similar problems committing, but I’m not them so that isn’t my problem. If anything, it makes me more valuable.
126Susan Walsh October 8, 2011 at 10:48 am
@Badger
Commitment has as a subtext an element of accepting imperfection, that you’re going to stay in when the going gets tough, and that you are making a decision with imperfect information. It’s a logical incongruence to commit to a sure thing.
Agreed. I was reading Eckhart Tolle on relationships yesterday (love him). He says that the only possible way to have a functional relationship is to fully accept the other person exactly as they are, right now. I’ve been thinking about it – what a tall order! I realize I don’t even do this with my husband. I wish he wouldn’t do x as much, and did y a little more. It’s just a recipe for dissatisfaction. So we’ve got high expectations, which keep us from really going all in. I do think it’s about risk aversion. Going all in is very scary, it’s standing naked and defenseless in a much more profound way than standing naked in front of a stranger before sex.
It’s sad, obviously, esp for a guy like me who really values date experiences and doesn’t feel like he should have to schmooze his way into her pants before she’ll let him take her to his favorite dive or go minigolfing (isn’t that a weird reversal of dating logistics?)
That really is upside down. I also think that women and most men have lost the art of flirting or even making conversation. They avoid phone calls and would rather text. They have casual sex and get the hell out of there in the morning. It’s sexualization without socialization.
Some people have this bizarre idea they can reset-restart the process at will like a DVR – I’m busy next week, maybe the week after, oh wait I’ll text you in two months when I’ve got some more time, remember me we went to that movie six months ago – and that’s just not legit.
Yeah I’ve been hearing this too. I realize people are busy, but it’s just whacked to think you’re dating someone when you actually are face to face every three weeks. To anyone in that situation I say: Diversify your portfolio.